May 2012
5 posts
3 tags
What did Bruce Banner say when Iron Man asked him who the potatoes belonged to?
“Hulk’s Mash!”
2 tags
Is that a California roll in your pocket or are you just happy sashimi?
2 tags
What Mexican holiday celebrates the first appearance of the popular spring toy that walks down stairs?
Slink-o de Mayo
editor’s note: I know this is a day late but I was at Universal Studios celebrating my birthday, lol B-)
3 tags
What was the ghost’s favorite theme park?
Universal Boo-dios
2 tags
Little known fact, German philosopher Immanuel Kant actually began his career as a hotel reviewer, receiving mild success for his article, “A Critique of Four Seasons.”
April 2012
8 posts
What did the alien birds say to the earth birds?
Take us to your feeder.
3 tags
My girlfriend and I were in Michael’s when she commented on how extensive the scrapbooking section was. She said that it wouldn’t be long before they took over the entire world.
It would be the best documented revolution in the history of the world.
2 tags
What did Hank Hill say when he realized that he had purchased a defective toy?
“Dang it! That toy ain’t right!”
4 tags
What was Chicken Lady Gaga’s latest hit single called?
‘Hatched This Way’
2 tags
What did the Facebook page say when it was getting picked on at school?
I just want people to like me…
2 tags
What did Luke use to get around after he had grown old and retired from the Rebel Alliance?
his sky-walker.
2 tags
What was the spice’s favorite song by the Killers?
Are we Cumin or are we dancers?
2 tags
March 2012
7 posts
3 tags
How did the cd Walkman go down the stairs?
It skipped.
3 tags
Where do all the hip flute players shop?
Urban Flaut-fitters
2 tags
What famous bovine actor starred in the hit comedy “Cow Airplane!”?
Leslie Veal-sen.
1 tag
Who was the river’s favorite Glam Rock superstar?
David Flow-ie
2 tags
What holiday do leprechauns who have been run over by a steamroller celebrate?
St Flat-rick’s Day
2 tags
How come Moses never told jokes?
All the ones he knew were Torah-ble.
3 tags
What did the Droid say to the iPhone when it was acting like a jerk?
“Oh, why don’t you pull your head out of your Apps.”
2 tags
Why was everyone relieved to see Sheriff Harry S. Truman after he got back from giving Agent Cooper a helicopter ride?
They had heard that he had “flown the Coop.”
February 2012
16 posts
2 tags
Where do Pharaohs go when they throw their backs out?
To see their Cairo-practor.
2 tags
Did you hear about the spoiled kid in Subway?
He was trying to halve his sub and eat it too!
2 tags
This one’s for all the Catholics out there…
Did you hear about the Catholic sex workers?
They were going to “give it up” for Lent!
2 tags
ABC Family is working with James Stewart and Louis Anderson on a new Animated Series in which James shows young Louis a world in which he doesn’t exist.
They are calling it, “It’s a Wonderful Life with Louis or: Life Without Louis.”
2 tags
When the Wright brothers first presented their airplane it was met with a lot of resistance.
Fed up, Orville finally replied, “If flying is so wrong, then I don’t want to be Wright.”
1 tag
What did the Undertaker do when he accidentally cremated his paycheck?
He urned it.
I’m currently working on a movie about Petey Pablo exchanging bodies with his mother, in which they don’t change back until they both learn a valuable lesson.
Freek-a-Leeky Friday is set to premiere just in time for Christmas!
2 tags
Where do scuba enthusiasts go for fast food?
Dive-Thru Restaurants
bsk239:
thatsnotpunny:
What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t decide whether or not to go to the bathroom before the big road trip?
Hmmm… To pee or not to pee…
Whether ‘tis nobler in the trip to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous amounts of holding one’s legs together uncomfortably or take arms against a sea of urine, and by evacuating, drain it.
3 tags
Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two chickens walk into a bar. The third one clucks.
Two horses walk into a bar. The third one bucks.
Two vacuums walk into a bar. The third one sucks.
Two tweezers walk into a bar. The third one plucks.
Two Æons walk into a bar. The third one Flux.
Two ducks walk into a bar. The third one mans.
What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t decide whether or not to go to the bathroom before the big road trip?
Hmmm… To pee or not to pee…
1 tag
What did Hamlet say to himself when he couldn’t remember his friend’s apartment number?
Hmmm… 2B or not 2B…
1 tag
I was going to go to a sculpture unveiling
but I was afraid it would be a bust.
1 tag
What was the punk rocker with a soft spot’s favorite Meg Ryan movie?
Sleeveless in Seattle
2 tags
Why do they use corks to seal wine bottles?
Because, by the time you finally get them out, you can really use a glass of wine!
January 2012
23 posts
The other day I was waiting for the bus. It was running extremely late and I began to wonder where it could be.
Then it hit me.
Why were the people worried about the fashion designer?
They had noticed that a lot of his jeans seemed distressed lately.
What movie did the lady who loved chips go to see?
Paranormal Snack-tivity
1 tag
I’m working on a movie where a snare drum and it’s player travel to Aspin to return a lost suitcase and get into hilarious mishaps along the way.
I’m calling it, “Drum and Drummer.”
1 tag
I may not have seen pants walk, but I’ve sure seen a button fly!
2 tags
I’m currently working on a sequel to a popular 2007 film starring Daniel Day-Lewis and Paul Dano, but I can’t tell you exactly which one.
All I can tell you is that I’m calling it, “There Is Blood.”
1 tag
What did the river do when it saw a stranger?
It ran.
What did the ocean do when it saw a stranger?
Stood there and waved.
Why did the Dermatologist laugh at the Golden Globes joke?
Because it was topical.
What type of shampoo do snowmen use?
Head and Shoulders™, because they’ve got a lot of flakes.
1 tag
What soap does John Travolta use when he is getting ready for a big night out on the town?
He uses his Saturday Night Lever
Chester, as a hobby, had started making small figurines out of his old compact discs.
One day, his mother approached him because she was worried about him hanging around with CD characters.
1 tag
What did the apprentice, who was also Austin Powers, say when the electrician asked if he was ready to learn how to install electrical outlets?
Socket to me, baby.
Recently, politicians have asked hip hop artists to “clean up their acts.”
Many rappers are ignoring the request, but will Smith?
My friend, Roger, recently asked me if I listen to any female pop singers.
I replied, X-Tina Aguilera is alright, but I like Mandy more!